1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
