Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
