Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
