Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
