I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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