If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
