What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
