I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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