She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
