You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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