You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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