And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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