Kiss
Puke
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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