hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
