it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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