i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
