weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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