Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
