you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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