I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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