well you can't waste a boner
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
