it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
