just come out here and I will go home with you...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
