You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
