I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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