Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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