oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
