dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
