i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
