There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
