Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
