So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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