How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
