I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
