i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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