he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
