Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
