If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
