I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
