$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
