Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
