I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
