I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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