Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
