Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We had to coat check the pizza.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
