My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
