Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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