yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Found the puke drawer
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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