He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
birth control should be required to get into college
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
