It was confusing and full of hummus
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
