he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
